Relationships – Self Sabotage As a Way of Feeling Safe

Now although that may sound like a strange title it is more common than you think. Let me explain.

Now back to the title.

Self sabotage is a pattern that is seen in individuals who have experienced some form of emotionally traumatic experience in their early life. If not properly cleared the memory of this incident sets up in them a sense of vulnerability, fear and hyper vigilance around any event or situation that resembles it in some way.

For example suppose that you experienced a very bad relationship in the past. The negative emotional imprint of this relationship will still be inside you.

Whenever you attempt to engage a new relationship you will be vulnerable to re-experiencing the old painful emotions again. The fear of doing so often leads one to unconsciously sabotage their current relationship so that they will avoid feeling the past trauma.

So the individual may actually feel “out of control” of themselves and may find themselves unhappy at the outcome.

So I hope that you recognize that the unconscious choice to maintain a sense of control over the emerging old negative emotions from the past wrestles control away from the individual in the present as they attempt to make another go at a relationship.

This is what some people might refer to as “living in the past” or I might refer to as “being enslaved by the past”.

The only way to fully live in the present as a truly empowered and successful individual is to release these old painful negative emotions (what I have also termed “Emotional Landmines”; please see my article of the same name) once and for all.

This can now be done quickly, easily and permanently over the telephone employing a new modality called the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP). To arrange your free introductory telephone/Skype consultation please visit the web link below.

Author’s Bio: 

Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an International Expert Life, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).

A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)

Don’t Ask A Hot Woman Out Until She Gives You This Signal

Waiiit STOP Don’t do it! This will save you a lot of humiliation and rejection if you just read this first. Because women talk. And they’ll talk about how you tried to pick up on them to their friends, and if you have the same circle of friends that could mean somewhat of a …

Relationships: Why Do Some People End Up With People They’re Not Attracted To?

While someone can have an idea in their minds about the kind of person they want to be with, it doesn’t mean that this always becomes a reality. This can relate to what another person looks like on the outside and what they are like on the inside and their personality.

One could meet someone and although they don’t look exactly like what they had in mind, the rest of them makes up for it. A connection in then formed based on the existence of the other elements.

And this is to be expected, as looks are not everything and sometimes people who look good, can have a personality that lets them down for instance. Emotions also play a big part in attraction and if something feels right, it won’t matter if it goes against ones logical mind.

So the result of this could be that one ends up with someone who is very different to the type of person they planned to be with. But just because they are different in a few ways or a number of ways, it doesn’t mean that one won’t be happy.

Blind Date

It could be similar to what are often described as blind dates, with one ending up with someone completely different and yet having a great connection with them. If they were left to their own devices, one would never have been so close to them.

The unexpected then leads to something fulfilling and what could last a long time. This person could have certain things that one looks for and others things that they had not been looking for.


With the example above demonstrating that it is possible to be attracted to someone that one would not have expected to be attracted to, it could also go the other way.

Here, one ends up with someone who doesn’t match up with what they want and this can include their appearance, as well as their character and what they value for instance. And this could be a current challenge that one has or something that continually happens.

A Pattern

If one is with someone or has just left someone who they are not fully attracted to and it’s the first time it has happened, it might not be too much of a concern. Sometimes people feel desperate and lonely and reach for the first person they come across.

This is part of life and when one feels is emotionally unstable, anything can happen. And if one can’t see straight, they can’t expect to be attracted to or attract the right people. They might attract the perfect person, but there is also a greater chance of them not attracting the right person.

However, if this is something that has happens on numerous occasions, it is going to cause confusion and pain. One is sabotaging themselves and not going for the type of person they really want.


If they were to imagine what it would be like to be with someone who they are attracted to, it is going to feel good. When it comes to physically being around someone like this, one could feel the complete opposite.

This is if one allows themselves to get this close to them; they might just keep their distance and only pass them by on the street. One might find it hard to understand the reason why they feel so uncomfortable around the type of people they want to be with.

Or one might find that they have friends who exactly like the kind of person they want to be with, but can’t allow themselves to get any closer and staying as friends is the only thing that feels comfortable.


Everyone has needs and wants and although these can be repressed and denied, they won’t completely disappear. So if one doesn’t feel comfortable with the kind of person they truly want to be with, then they are likely to end up with someone who does completely do it for them or remain single.

This is not going to be enough and one might end up feeling far worse as the relationship progresses, but it will take care of certain needs and wants in the beginning. As time goes by, frustration, anger and a sense of compromise is likely to arise.

The Challenge

Now, the challenge with this, is that on one side one will have the desire to be with someone they truly want to be with and on the other side, is the fact the these people will bring up ones issues.

Going with someone they are not are not fully attracted to might only bring up a few, in the beginning that is. But then there will be the pain that one feels as a result of compromising themselves.

To just speak to someone, let alone be with someone, who is a match, could press ones buttons. It is then not what they are like that is causing the problems; it is what they are triggering within someone.


And this is going to be ones ‘insecurities’ and what they need to heal or change within themselves. So, this could relate to things that have happened in ones adult life and what took place during their childhood.

One could have beliefs that work against them and sabotage their success in relationships. As well as emotional pain that has stayed trapped in their body and therefore weighs them down.


The reason then, that one is not attracting the kind of person they truly want, is because of what needs to be dealt with within them. This causes one to feel uncomfortable around them and stops them from moving forward in life.

To work through this, one might need the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach, and to engage in some kind of study, in order to increase their self awareness.

Author’s Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”

Dear Dr. Romance: She started pushing me away and becoming distant

Dear Dr. Romance:
I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 almost 6 months now. We hit it off from the very beginning and fell in love a couple months into the relationship. Both of us are independent people and level headed, but there's a deep connection between the two …

***Dating Etiquette for Men and Women: Who Pays When and How Much?

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1. Who pays for the first date?

The person who initiated the date usually pays. Usually, this person is the man. No matter how “modern” we get, men still tend to like to court women. They tend to like pursuing, decision-making and appearing in charge. Some women might like to offer to pay for the tip or dessert and coffee, but if the man insists, then let him pay.

2. Should I try to impress the person with a really fancy, expensive or exclusive date?

3. What should you do if the person paying for the first date says something like “you can get the next check” when you offer to pay–but you don’t want to date the person again?

Oops! Now you see the risk of offering to pay for some of the first date. My advice is to let the person who set up the date pay for it! And if you don’t want to go out again, say thank you.

4. What if the person asks you out again, but you don’t want to go?

Make sure you are absolutely certain that you don’t want to go out again. If you don’t want another date only because you don’t feel that hit in the head that makes you feel “chemistry,” then accept another more casual date such as lunch or an evening with his friends. Hanging out together and observing his or her interactions in a more relaxed setting can give you a living picture of the person.

But if you truly don’t want to go out again, then be short and sweet. Reduce your date’s embarrassment or sense of rejection by saying something like: “I can tell you’re a really good person, but I’m not a good match for you.” And don’t go on and on or over-explain.

5. What if there are huge income disparities between you and this new partner who takes you on expensive dates?

Do not pay for something beyond your means. However, you can make “caring payments” by buying a breakfast, lite lunch or dessert. These gestures can help the wealthier person feel appreciated or loved for being him or herself—and not for his or her money.

6. If your incomes are more equal, how much do you pay as the relationship progresses?

The rule is that there aren’t too many rules at this stage. Typically, the person who arranges the date is the one who pays. Other options are to split the payment or to pay for the wine and dessert, for example. Always keep these questions in your mind: “Do I feel taken advantage of and not cared for? Have I been generous and expressive of my appreciation of this person?”

7. If we finally become a couple, how do we pay for our expenses when we do things together?

You and your partner will most likely develop a rhythm that grows organically out of your mutual sense of trust and respect for each other. For example, if you are a caring and empathic person, it will automatically occur to you that your date has been paying for movies a lot lately.

Author’s Bio: 

How Do I Get My Ex Girlfriend Back – Tricks To Win Her Back

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The first method for getting back an ex girlfriend is through chocolates and red roses. It might sound expensive and stupid but it still works. Even though you broke up with your ex, it does not necessarily mean that you cannot try to win her back with some gifts. By giving her gifts of chocolates and roses, she will remember the sweet times she had with you in the past and it will make her miss you.

Talking with her is another way to get her back. By simply talking to her, you will know the mistakes that you have done along with the reasons for the breakup. Ask her about the things that she likes or hates about you along with the things that she wants to do. You can also start your topics about simple stories based on her day or her day at work. As long as she starts talking then you can sooner or later start the topics that you want to discuss.

Single Mom Dating

I didn’t date a lot when I was younger. I always used to say it was because I enjoyed hanging out with my friends (which I did), but really it was more about never getting asked out. Everyone wants to be liked. Everyone wants to be asked out. College I dated more, well hung out with guys, …

Why She Never Calls You Back

Have you ever been in a situation where you get a girl’s number and you think everything went well, but when you get in touch with her she never returns your calls? Suppose she wasn’t a stranger, maybe you met at a barbeque at your friend’s house. Shouldn’t it be easier to get in touch …

Surviving A Breakup – Getting Your Self Esteem Back

Unfortunately that “wound”, i.e. the memory, remains with you for the rest of your life, that is if you let it. Like any other wound it can and must be “healed” in order for you to feel whole, complete, strong, resilient, confident and capable again. Now by “healed” I am not referred to what many refer to as the process of grieving.

In my view grieving is not actually a healing process rather a process which through the passage of time the memory becomes more deeply buried in the subconscious mind. Its burial however does not mean that it or its effects have disappeared. Markers of its ongoing presence repeatedly surface as the feelings I mentioned above.

In my experience the only way to finally close that open wound is to have the memory permanently erased so that it feels to the individual that the event actually never took place. That’s much like removing a landmine from the ground permanently so that it will never go off again. In this case one would be removing the “emotional landmine” or the memory itself.

If you are one of those people who have had enough of the pain associated with your breakup and would like to get back into life and living you can learn more about this new coaching process by visiting the web site below.

There you can request a free e-copy of my book and/or request a free introductory telephone/Skype coaching consultation that will help you restart your relationship life.

Author’s Bio: 

Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an International Expert Self Empowerment Life Coach, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).

A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)

Want To Delete Old Needy Immature Patterns That Destroy Your Relationships?

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In the process, she/he also surrenders their association with his/her true Authentic Self and the latter sort of goes “underground” often never to be recovered again. This causes the individual to literally sacrifice it’s true self and to assume a conditioned, scripted, “false self” who is supposedly more acceptable and lovable to others.

Indeed, the “part” of themselves that is missing is their “essence” or “core self”.

I have referred to this essence as one’s Life Force Energy or LFE. Each time an individual experiences a negative or traumatic event (i.e. one that attempts to negate or invalidate their true self) this causes them to “die” a little bit. Another way of saying this is that it causes some of their LFE to become depleted from their mind/body.

The imposed expectations I noted above are examples of the traumatic invalidations I just referred to. As the person “leaves” their mind/body the socially imposed expectations take over much like a scripted (computer) program and takes over the person’s empty shell of a body/mind.

In other words the person’s mind/body and life have effectively become hijacked while the person themselves is absent and no where to be found. This is what accounts for the deep feelings of immaturity, inadequacy, and incompetence when it comes to having a fulfilling life and healthy satisfying relationships.

So is there a way to restore this situation to its normal and natural state? Absolutely!

One must effectively help the LFE to re-integrate with the mind/body that it was supposed to reside within. In other words one must restore the person to wholeness and hence also into a fully alive and living, functional, human being. So how is this accomplished?

Well, by systematically deleting the storehouse of pre-programmed socially imposed expectations that have inhabited the mind/body. As this is done the person’s LFE progressively and irreversibly returns to and re-integrates with the mind/body leaving them feeling like the Authentic Human Self they were always meant to be.

To learn more about a new coaching process that helps individuals achieve this re-integration kindly visit the web site below where you can also request a free introductory telephone/Skype coaching consultation that will begin to help take you there today.

Author’s Bio: 

Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor is an International Expert Life, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author of Esteem For The Self: Restoring the Divine Holographic Energy Field With The Mind Resonance Process® (MRP) and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).

A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Consultation is available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)